This is the hardest story that I've ever told

Now that all's said and done, this is for closure.
You know, I think we fought so hard, we lost the energy to continue fighting at the end. This journey has been tough, almost impossible to finish, but we've all lived to tell. For all the shit we've been through, I would say we're ultimately winners.

It has never been easy, right from the beginning. Remember, our seniors weren't exactly fond of us? Remember how we felt so lost and no one told us what we were in for? Remember all the drama with coach, the teachers, the boys and all the screwed up rainy days? I remember. the sms that went along the lines of:
"If your school is unhappy with my schedule, they can go get a new coach."
I remember the conversation that left me down for days, when he presented a reality I refused to accept:
"I know the standard of teams that make it, and to be honest, you all try hard, but you cannot reach that standard."
I remember the fights with the teachers, the bitching they did because we simply wanted to train. They didn't care, the seniors didn't care, the guys thought nothing of us. Some days, I have never felt so alone.
We all cried didn't we? Almost all of us. Be it pain, disappointment, late trainings, scoldings, mistakes ad anything else. We all had those days, when we wanted to give it all up, because nobody believed in us anyway and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't get it. I remember. Days when I let everyone down because I couldn't set properly. Days when I didn't think I could ever get it. Those days were impossible.
The courts have our sweat, blood and tears. Sometimes, I wish things were different. I wish H1N1 didn't happen. I wish we didn't have to fight to train. I wish there was someone fighting for us. I wish things were easier.
Yet, we smiled when we played in the rain and fell sick the next day. We laughed when coach's car broke down and about how the teacher had to rush home to hang her clothes/feed her dog/do something that doesnt require staying back for volleyball. We screwed up, but we kept going because we wanted to prove to ourselves that we can do it. We stayed together.
The last month's just been insane. It hurt so much, I couldn't breathe, literally. I thought I was going to die. Reality came and slapped me in the face. When the drama came, and all the mistake I've made, all the friends I thought I lost, I didn't know how to be captain anymore. But I'm forgiven. For the first time, I thought coach finally believed in us, and I liked to think he really did. But we weren't ready mentally. A year is too short. Our skills weren't that bad, but we lost in experience and mental strength. I think the JJC and MJC matches proved my point.
I gave it my all. Times when I've tried to change things, talking to HODs, teachers, coach, seniors, the guys and to the team. But things didn't really change. I served so many times, my shoulder gave, and I couldn't serve since the year begun. Dumb. But I think for setting, all the work did pay off.
But there were moments I would never trade. When you told me you weren't going to give up, I realised I couldn't as well. When we compared our bruises, scraps, tanlines, fat thighs, ate dinner talking shit, put on insane amounts of sunblock and deep heat, bathed for hours, bitched about life, had our catfight, swooned over guys, pissed each other off but we forgive anyway.
For the guys that came and helped, we're all really grateful. You all were an inspiration, and we were lucky to have our paths crossed, however brief a time. Some memories I can never forget, some words I hold close to the heart.
We lost, but we were happier than the team that won. They went home, we went for team dinner. You know what we won? Tenacity, friendship, memories. And of course, team bag/shoes/shirt/kneepads. This is the experience, it's a struggle, somedays you get lucky, other days, you pray for lucky days.
Now that all's said and done, I'll let exhaustion take over. Never knew I could feel so much. I'm tired from talking, from fighting, from feeling. Tired of drama. So tired, I pushed everyone away. It's so scary to look into the mirror one day and realise that this is not the girl you recognise. It's worse when your friends don't recognise you anymore too.

Wrote this the night after our last game and there shall be no more depressing posts after this.
Time to say goodbye. No more sad songs, no more drama, no more headaches. Come back to life baby, I'm taking the last flight out tonight!

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